...and the reclaiming takes a more intense turn...

Well, it seems appropriate to begin my blog on the first day that I am to be a life model, a figure model...a nude model. Yup, that's right. As in an art class, figure drawing, at a local and very nice gallery and art studio.

If you have known me for a a long time, this may, or may not shock you. If you knew me in my Magenta, Rocky Horror days, you would know me as a bit of an exhibitionist.

However, if you knew me after those days, you'd know me as a real chopped up wreck - literally and figuratively.

It has taken over a decade to get even an inkling of healing from the events that took place. The gaslighting, the mental mind fucking (to quote Frank N. Furter  ),

 the abuse and the rapes from one "person," combined with past abuse and an eating disorder really left me a mess. So much of a mess that I split off into a few forms of me. About 7 Me's, actually. 

But I digress...this isn't about the damage, this is about the repair. The scars are almost gone from my body, in fact my legs show no signs anymore, as you can see here :) 

I first began this reclaiming process, in this manner that is, when my husband brought home a really nice camera and took some very sexy, intimate shots of me. I found that I loved it. A lot. Not long after I was able to get a photography shoot with a friend that is a budding photographer and that really got me motivated - body acceptance, celebration, reclaiming...It was an almost all nude shoot, beginning at an abandoned house (clothed, but undone) and ending in the center of a dry lake bed. The possibility of being seen was certainty there, and I didn't care! I found myself loving it. It wasn't just the cold wind and the taboo-exhilaration of being an exhibitionist, it was the pure thrill of claiming MY body back.

Things sure happened fast! I emailed the gallery and the next day, I was given a time and a date! I wasn't able to participate that quickly however, so the date was changed to today, June 7, 2012. And, not only have I yet to do this, as it's this evening, I received another email from a different person, asking me to model for a workshop at one of the local colleges. Well! OK! I love the idea, but I told him that I am BRAND new, and I'll need to see if I can deliver properly at this session tonight. Who knew? And without even a photo or a body description, nothing.

So begins my journey into a new era of Me. 42 years old, a mother of five, not in the best shape ever...but proud, willing and able to give it my best.

Wish this Raisin Girl good luck...but I'm not sure she really needs it... :)